Monday, 17 March 2014

Scars | There's Beauty behind the Beast

It’s not like me to open up to the world about this. But if I help at least one person then I guess it’s worth it, right?

When I was born I suffered from Fallot's Tetralogy which in simpler terms means I was born with a hole in my heart. No one really knows why this happens and people have holes in their hearts without even realising, but I guess mine was more of a serious case. Not only was there a hole, but one of my arteries was quite small which meant my heart was finding it hard to pump blood around my body at the right speed. This means the left side of my heart was working wayyy too hard making the muscle bigger than it should have been.

To cut a long story short, at the age of two I had to have an operation to fix my heart (I was too small to operate on when I was born!)

Luckily everything went amazingly well and I am healthy and fit and loving life. However, having major surgery like this leaves you with scars - scars on the surface for everyone to see, but also emotional scars too. I know I was only two years old, but it still gets me to think of what my family and myself must have been through. To live through such a time and tell the story is a miracle and you have to look at the positives when facing a situation like this.

I’m not going to lie. Having scars from surgery does get me down from time to time. I have two main scars. One that runs from the top of my chest all the way down to the bottom of my rib cage and another that runs from under my arm onto my back. The one under my arm isn’t so bad, you can hide it with a T-shirt. However, the one on my chest is always on display. Because I’ve lived with it for 16 years, I tend to forget about it on a day to day basis, but when coming up to an event or planning an outfit to go out I always take into consideration having a scar.

When it was my prom I was terrified of showing my scar. People will have seen it every day and wouldn’t have even taken a second look, but I was so self conscious and to me it was a pretty big thing. I felt different and angry, as though life wasn’t fair. I wanted to look pretty, but how could I look pretty when I was baring scars? In the evening of prom I was conscious of my scar and it did taint my night. From that point on I swore to myself not to let it get in the way and instead of getting down about my scars, I should embrace them. I mean they are beautiful really, without them I wouldn’t be here today.

As cheesy as it sounds, I feel as though they have made me who I am. I grab every opportunity in life and thrive off every day as I’m so thankful just to be living and seeing each sunrise. I’ve decided to wear what I want instead of trying to cover up my scars because if people are going to see it, they’re more likely to be concerned rather than judge.

I’m not saying that I’ve not experienced comments on it before. Even recently my friend’s boyfriend took one look and said ‘’eww what is that?’’, but surely that just shows his true colours and ignorance to the situation rather than putting down the way I look.

I’ve also had my appendix out which has left scars. Thankfully these are just little keyhole ones but they’re still scars none the less. My torso is practically covered! I also have around six scars dotted nicely on my chest where drains from my heart surgery used to be. I try and tell myself that they don’t affect me, but they still do a little bit, as this summer I don’t think I’ll be wearing any crop tops!

However, I may make it my aim to.

Overcoming the fear of what others may think and say is a big thing, and I hope that I’m almost there.  Yes, I will get down about them, but I think this is only natural.

I believe that you have to be proud of who you are and embrace the fact that you’re still here today, living and breathing and enjoying this wonderful world.

If you’re down about scars and want to talk to someone who is going through the same thing then drop me an email, but throughout this ramble, my message really is to just accept who you are and don’t get down from something that has made your life so much better.

At the end of the day your scars are part of you. They add to your body and tell a story. They represent the wars that you have been through and you should wear them like medals.

1 comment:

  1. Good read Abi and well said! :D I look at my scar on my leg sometimes and get down about it and hate what it resembles at times, as it reminds me of being scared and upset at a young age. However, it should make u remember the bravery that you've gone through xx You're seriously a fighter and I never realised just the intensity of what you have been through till now, which just shows how modest u are! Seriously can't believe what u went through! You're beautiful girl, your scars take nothing away from your beauty xx I never even noticed your scar till u pointed it out to me :Px And if people can't accept a part of u, it's their problem :P xx